The goal underlying all rules of etiquette is to make others feel comfortable and whenever possible, put a positive spin on unpleasant situations. You will realize this as you read on...

Dining Etiquette - General Etiquette Rules

Arrive at least 10 minutes early unless otherwise specified

Pass food from the left to the right

Be sure to say thank you to your server and bus boy after they have removed any used items

Set any passed item, whether it's the salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand

Never intercept a pass

Snagging a roll out of the breadbasket or taking a shake of salt when it is en route to someone else is a no-no

Food is served from the left

Dishes are removed from the right

Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating

Never turn a wine glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured and not draw attention. Otherwise, hold your hand over the wine glass to signal that you don't want any wine.


Don't blow on your food to cool it off. If it is too hot to eat, take the hint and wait.


Keep elbows off the table.


Don't clean up spills with your own napkin and don't touch items that have dropped on the floor. You can use your napkin to protect yourself from spills. Then, simply and politely ask your server to clean up and to bring you a replacement for the soiled napkin or dirty utensil.

Do not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.

If you cough, cover your mouth with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the noise. If your cough becomes unmanageable, excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.


Turn off your cell phone or switch it to silent or vibrate mode before sitting down to eat, and leave it in your pocket or purse. It is impolite to answer a phone during dinner. If you must make or take a call, excuse yourself from the table and step outside of the restaurant.


Do not push your dishes away from you or stack them for the waiter when you are finished. Leave plates and glasses where they are.



Even the most obliging maitre d' is needlessly stressed by last-minute bookings. Try and get into the habit of giving your favourite restaurant plenty of notice when calling to book a table. When you make the call, introduce yourself, let them know that you've been to the restaurant several times, and find both the food and the service superb. You'd be surprised at how few people bother to do this. Everyone blossoms in the presence of a little praise - even a hardened maitre d' - so don't be afraid to offer some sincere and credible compliments.

Once you've established a sense of rapport over the phone, briefly explain the nature of the evening which you'd like the restaurant to host. Is it a birthday dinner, a surprise reunion, a meet-the-parents event? Let the maitre d' know something about the personal side of the evening, and how important it is that everything go smoothly.

Having set the scene, elicit his advice on the best place to sit. Too many patrons call and aggressively demand "the best table", only to find when they arrive they've been seated right next to the bathroom or a noisy kitchen. Involve the maitre d' in your situation, and he is much more likely to be willing to accommodate you.

Dining Etiquette - On arrival

It is absolutely essential that you arrive looking like you are accustomed to receiving good service. If you know you're looking your best, you'll be more confident and outgoing. A polished appearance lets the staff know that you're a successful person who demands to be treated with respect. What you wear will, of course, depend on the formality of the restaurant and where you're going afterwards, but a good rule of thumb is to overdress rather than underdress.

Make sure that you greet the maitre d' warmly, introduce yourself, and remind him that you spoke to him on the phone about your requirements for the evening. Tell him again that you deliberately chose his restaurant as the venue for the evening because you've been here before, and were impressed with the quality of the food and the service.

Ask him if he managed to secure that table you talked about, and when he leads you towards the perfect table, be gracious and warm, but don't grovel. Remember that restaurant staff will only give you good service if they respect you, not if they feel sorry for you.

Dining Etiquette - Napkin (In A Restaurant)

As soon as you are seated remove the napkin from your place setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap

Do not shake it open

At some very formal restaurants the waiter may do this for the diners, but it is not inappropriate to place your own napkin in your lap, even when this is the case

The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal

Don't wipe your face with the napkin

NEVER use it to wipe your nose!


If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Never place your napkin on your chair.

At the end of the meal, leave the napkin semi-folded at the left side of the place setting. It should not be crumpled or twisted; nor should it be folded. The napkin must also not be left on the chair.

Dining Etiquette - How & When To Eat

In a restaurant:


Wait until all are served before beginning to eat.

Use the silverware farthest from your plate first.

Here's the rule:

Eat to your left, drink to your right.

Any food dish to the left is yours, and any glass to the right is yours.

Start with the knife, fork, or spoon that is farthest from your plate and work your way in, using one utensil for each course.

The salad fork is on your outermost left, followed by your dinner fork.

Your soup spoon is on your outermost right, followed by your beverage spoon, salad knife and dinner knife.

Your dessert spoon and fork are above your plate or brought out with dessert.

If you remember the rule to work from the outside in, you'll be fine.


Once used, your utensils, including the handles, should not touch the table again.

Always rest forks, knives, and spoons on the side of your plate or in the bowl.


For more formal dinners, from course to course, your tableware will be taken away and replaced as needed.

Any unused silverware is simply left on the table.

Condolence Notes

A condolence e-mail is not acceptable

You should take the time to send a card to show that you really care

If you are not very eloquent, choose a card with a beautiful message and sign it

Click here for more

Language/ Expressions

Don’t say “I’m sorry” for no reason; rather, say “excuse m

Considering mentioning the reason you are thanking somebody, by saying "Thank you for…"

Handling Waiters and Waitresses

Once you're seated at the table of your choice, you must be ready to deal with the next level of restaurant staff: the waiters and waitresses. Again, by far the most productive approach is to be warm and charming. When the waiter approaches, look him in the eye, smile and ask how he's doing. Listen to his recommendations, feel free to ask questions about the food or wine, and thank him for his help. Let him know if you had the veal last time and it was out of this world. Thank him every time he brings something to the table. Remember, waiters have a difficult job and deserve your respect and courtesy. If you're being polite and pleasant to serve, you also have a greater chance of resolving any potential complaints that may arise. Say you've ordered three dishes and there are only two on the table. If you ask your new friend the waiter if he would mind checking on where the third one is, it's highly likely you'll find it steaming on the table within about a minute, accompanied by a polite apology for the delay.

However, if you've spoken dismissively to the waiter and have barely made eye contact, any little mistakes or delays are certain to take much longer to straighten out. In this scenario, the waiter doesn't care about giving you good service, because you've treated him as your inferior.

There's also an etiquette for leaving the restaurant. It goes without saying that a generous tip is essential. But make a point of thanking your waiter for the excellent service too. The phrase "send my compliments to the chef" is NOT a corny cliche, but an urbane way of making sure that everyone involved in your pleasant evening gets the thanks they deserve.

Naturally, you must also let the maitre d' know that you had a wonderful time, and acknowledge the part he played in the success of your evening. Tell him you'll be back soon for more of the wonderful food and service.

If you make such a charming exit, it's highly likely that you'll be seated at the table of your choice and be given excellent service every time you visit this restaurant.

Opening Doors

Hold the door open for both men and women

Invitations

If an invitation says 'Regrets Only' you have to let the host know that you do not plan to attend

Toasts

You must not refuse to make a toast if asked to

However, you may keep it brief and simple


Never toast with an empty glass; even a glass of water will do

Shaking Hands

Feel free to shake hands with anyone you’re introduced to; however, if you meet an older person, a dignitary or a woman, you should wait for them to extend their hand first


Sneeze and cough into your left hand, so that your right hand, which you use to shake hands, will be clean


Two men needn't remove their gloves to shake hands outdoors in hold weather


If extending your gloved hand to an ungloved person you can say "Excuse the glove"


When Meeting Someone for the First Time

Face them completely, not at an angle

Make eye contact with them

Smile

Say “Hi! I'm ...” (say your name clearly!)

Match the other person’s mood and tone of voice, if only for a sentence or two

If you are at a loss for words and have nothing to say, repeat the other person’s last few words – this will refuel the conversation and keep it going

When meeting new people, present only positive things about yourself

Lean Slightly Towards Them

Anything you say first, no matter how mundane, is fine, because it has very little to do with the other people’s perception of you.

When asked where you are from or what you do or when introducing people, give some more information in order to keep the conversation going

Don’t ask people what they do

Deliver news with appropriate sentiment

Stairs

A gentleman precedes a lady going up and down stairs

At a Party

Bring a small gift when visiting someone’s home

For a dinner party you can bring a flower bouquet or a bottle of wine

If you are a guest at a house and you break something, you should replace it, not offer to pay for it

Travelling Abroad

When in Rome do as the Romans

When in a foreign country it pays to learn the basics of the culture in order to avoid offending people

Remember that you are a guest in that country

A useful and comprehensive site to start from is 'Executive Planet':

http://www.executiveplanet.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

Greetings and Introductions

When seeing someone you know (e.g. a colleague) from afar, aknowledge their presence e.g. by smiling, and when you approach at e.g. 5 feet, say "hello"

When you’re participating in a conversation and there’s someone you haven’t been introduced to, you can do so by saying “I don’t believe we’ve met; I’m …”


When introducing people, it’s nice to add some more information about them


Stand up when being introduced


Don't quiz people about their relation to the person they are accompanying - let them volunteer that information if they so desire

Invitations

When an invitation says “Regrets only” you have to let the host or hostess know that you do not plan to attend

If you’ve declined an invitation for a party and later learn you can attend, you may ask the host or hostess if you can do so

Do not discuss a invitation by someone with a mutual acquaintance - don't assume that everyone is invited

Answering Inappropriate Questions

When you don’t want to answer an unwelcome question, repeat your initial negative response in the same tone as many times as it takes

...or say "Why do you ask?"

...or answer humorously and evasively

...or simply state that you do not wish to answer the question for such and such a reason

Theater/ Movies/ Opera

When stepping over peoples feet at e.g. the theatre, offer an occasional “excuse me” – but if you need to leave in the middle of the show, try to be as quiet as possible

Walking In Public Places

In the U.S. walk to the right on sidewalks

Always offer to share your umbrella

BUSINESS ETIQUETTE

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Job Interview Etiquette

When You Arrive:

  • Arrive at least 15-30 minutes early to the job interview.

  • Smile, shake hands, say please and thank you. Offer " I'm Pleased to meet you Bill" and "It's been nice to meet you" before and after the interview.

  • Sit when invited to do so.

  • Sit up straight.

When You Speak:

  • Use the person's name at least once in the conversation. "Thank you Bill.. I received this tie for my birthday this year."

  • Remember political correctness. Say nothing that could be objectionable to others.

  • Speak clearly and concisely. Avoid slang.

  • Do not wring your hands, rub your face, scratch, pick or fidget nervously.

  • Make eye contact when speaking.

Business Attire

Socks must cover the calves (men)

How To Stir A Meeting

Plan your arguments well and anticipate the opponents’ objections.

Try to find win-win solutions.

Keep meetings rare and short.

Have a list of topics you want to go through

Save the most difficult topics for last

Never lose your temper.

Try to keep the participants as few as possible

Traits of a Good Employer

A good employer has a master plan in mind


Never be rude and never get angry at your employees


Never forget to praise your employees when they deserve it and always ask for their opinion


A boss should rise when meeting an assistant for the first time


He should introduce his assistant when they are both attending a meeting


He should come to an agreement with his assistant in the beginning on how they prefer to be addressed

How To Ask for a Pay Raise

If you don't ask for a pay raise you will never get one

Propose a figure so that you can negotiate


Always ask for a raise face-to-face


Do not give your boss any warning


Ask in the middle of the week and always during work hours

How to Behave at a Business Lunch

Be exactly 5 minutes early

If you see people you know when entering, just nod and smile and join your guests

Turn off your cell phone

If you arrive before your host, don’t take the best seat

If your guest has already ordered a drink, order one too

Don’t show dismay if your guest arrives late

If they are more than half an hour late and haven’t called, it’s probably safe to leave

Don’t announce that you’re on a diet

Don’t order anything that might cause a stain

If your guest drinks, buy a drink as well

You may order Coke

Never tuck your napkin into your collar

Lay the napkin on your lap as soon as you sit down

Always take important clients to fancy restaurants you know well, so you don’t have to wonder about the quality of the service

Don’t speak badly of the restaurant or the food

Do not send the food (or wine) back unless it’s inedible

The wineglass is held by the stem unless it is cold in which case you can cup the glass

Don’t slouch

Make a little small talk before launching into business discussion

Business Letters

"Best Regards" and "Regards", although somewhat informal, can be suitable closings in business letters if there is a degree of familiarity and first name basis

Leaving Your Job

Don’t apologize for leaving your job; unless you’ve signed a contract, you have every right to leave – but you can say “I’m sad to be leaving such wonderful people” etc.


When you leave your job it is wise not to burn bridges

Job Interviews

During the interview:

Maintain good eye contact

After the interview:

Write a 'Thank you' note

Offfice Etiquette

Always restock the copy machine with paper when you've used it all up

If you are going to be more than 5 minutes late for an appointment call ahead

Interviewing Job Candidates

When interviewing someone, the most important follow-up question is “why”?

Business Cards

Have current business cards

Use a card case

E-mail Etiquette

Don't use your business e-mail address for personal messages


Salutations and closings are not technically required with e-mail


Answer e-mails promptly


Don't use all capitals


Always proofread your e-mail


Do not forward chain letters


Don’t use abbreviations


Never send angry e-mails - you will regret it later


Use the signature feature


Don’t give out someone’s e-mail address without permission

Phone Etiquette

When speaking to someone for the first time on the phone, instead of saying “It was nice meeting you”, say “It was a pleasure speaking with you”.

Try to make your voice-mail messages short

When on speaker phone let your caller know who else is in the room

Return all phone calls the same day and e-mails within a day

Thursday, January 28, 2010

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